Do I Have “Antisocial Personality Disorder” or Socipathy?
Question by ?: do I have “Antisocial personality disorder” or Socipathy?
let me give you a brief overview of my life, i grew up in a isolated and controlling home, both my parents spent almost a decade in a religious cult, and tried to infer their beliefs on us, very strongly, my dad has always been a abuser both physically and mentally…mostly mentally. I also felt like I was in NO control of my life or my situation…in early 2009 i got “Mono” or the kissing disease, it made me feel like shit, earlier i was diagnosed with Asthma and was on puffers for some time, then I started developing generalized anxiety disorder and agoraphobia and aspergers syndrome, i could not travel within a short time…I spent almost 2 months imprisoned at home, with increasing anger and feelings of intense fear, the anger was directed mostly at my dad and i tried on multiple occasions to design calamity’s to mess with his life, these were often pre-meditated for some time, planned and executed, NOT spur of the moment things, things like killing the batteries on his bulldozer, cutting coaxial cables for TV and Internet, and eventually mixing large doses of aspirin with his honey in a attempt to cause him to OD…these were fairly stressful, and I won’t lie there were and are countless times when i wanted to kill him, I even wrote “kill dad”on my wall etched into the drywall with a knife, everything reached a breaking point in Aug of 2010, I went on benzodiazepines for anxiety, and started abusing my 1mg Ativan dose and eventually was onto over 10mgs per dose…I loved the way they made me feel, like nothing mattered and like it did not matter who or what i cared about, its a beautiful feeling, to this day i crave them intensely, and still get them now and then, the point is that benzo’s have been linked to violence and crimes due to lowering of inhibitions, at that dose my brain could not link 1+1 together or the cause and effect of my actions, it was not something i even considered, at any time. I decided to kill our family dogs, I didn’t really have a reason except I knew it would put me in control of the situation and that’s what i wanted, over a two week period i killed three of our five dogs with strangulation, i felt no sadness or regret…in fact during it i felt calm and relaxed and even happy, it felt like a massive rush like a stimulant or something, it was a amazing feeling, and i knew i wanted more, that’s why i strangulated them, I also killed a duck around the same time with a combination of drowning, strangulation and finally i chopped its head off with a axe, i remember its wings flapping to this day…there was little blood….after killing the three dogs, a duck, and torturing and killing countless small animals for my fun, like snakes, frogs, bugs, i was arrested on aug, 29, 2010 and being 18 at the time i was taken to the local psych ward for treatment and diagnosis, i spent 3 months there, no charges were pressed by my family members or anyone else, well its late 2012 im on meds for my depression and anxiety, and feel a bit better, but i feel NO regret for what i did, i feel like i should but its just not there…it does not matter how much i recall the dogs struggling and begging for air, it does not stir so much as a whisper of a emotion, in fact i can remember as far back as 2006, killing small animals, cause it was fun to me…
to this very day i desire blood and death, i like the feeling of killing its like the best drug rush EVER!! any ideas please!!
I have seen and continue to see a psychiatrist on a regular basis, with zero help or results, in fact i was seeing him during the time i was killing the dogs…alot of help that was.
Best answer:
Answer by Jarred
go see a psychiatrist. you have pent up anger
Answer by Some guy
I used to know a lady (online) who had/has Asperger’s Syndrome also. She was, one day, civil, the next quite random in what she said (ie angry/unusually irritable etc). I don’t think her condition was anywhere as severe as yours obviously is, but the trend is similar : it wouldn’t surprise me to read someone else has written this for you as the language is fine and the sentence structure sound; it’s just what you say which is quite disturbing (I’m referring to the animal cruelty part, which I obviously greatly dislike but you have a real personality disorder and are obviously not entirely in control of your fluctuating emotions).
You REALLY need to seek help on controlling your violent tendencies. Harming animals is often a precursor to doing the same to humans in the future (ie when you’re older than you are at present). Do something this before a person is harmed and you end up incarcerated because of it.
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